Things to do while your wife's at a Lady Gaga Concert

Bryna and a couple of her girlfriends are heading into Boston tonight to see Lady Gaga at TD Garden. Since this is my day off and have no plans other than watching reruns of Law & Order SVU, I thought I'd give some thought to my evening options in order to get into the Gaga spirit.

Here's what I came up with.

1. Buy sausage links and wear them like a necklace while walking the dog around the neighborhood. 

2. Wander around the house muttering nonsense syllables like "ra ra ooh la la" until the kids start getting nervous and consider calling 911. 

3. Get into a highly emotional debate with the Republicans across the street about the latest Supreme Court verdict but confuse them by keeping a "Poker Face" the whole time. 

4. Stand in the parking lot at Super Fresh with a camera and take pictures of random people putting groceries into their trunk while singing "Paparazzi" at the top of my lungs. 

5. Eat rancid beef then throw up on a canvas and call it art. 

6. Use the various rickety wooden ladders to climb the bell tower at church, stand precariously on top of it, and if anyone asks tell them I'm on the "Edge of Glory." 

7. Blog about former girlfriends, by name, under the aegis of "Bad Romance." 

8. Scour the phone book for people named "Alejandro" and ask if it's okay if I call them "Al" for short. 

9. Make a shoe out of bacon. Then eat it. 

10. Try to figure out what Lady Gaga actually looks like. After looking at a bunch of pictures, I really can't tell.

Well, these should keep me occupied for the rest of the evening. Thank God for Bryna's girlfriends so I don't get dragged to stuff like this!