While this ruling has angered and alarmed many progressive Christians, I do see a potential benefit to the wider Church. Since for-profit corporations are evidently now considered people, we have some work to do.
Here are some actions, I would like to see happen in light of this case:
Baptize Ronald McDonald -- I realize this should have happened years ago and I blame his parents for their negligence. I'm thinking a vat of flat Coke should do the trick. Burger King and Roy Rogers can be his godparents.
Give Col. Sanders a proper Christian burial -- with full military honors, of course.
Confirm Wendy -- It's not her fault that her father, Dave Thomas, didn't enroll her in Confirmation Class.
Hear the Hamburglar's Confession -- he's been holding his burger stealing in way too long and that's never good for the soul. As the traditional statement about the sacrament of Confession says, "All may, none must, the Hamburglar should."
Get Flo to join the Young Adult Ministry -- I think she'd add a lot to the 20's/30's group. Though she is rather progressive.
Convert the Quaker Oats guy -- enough of the peace-loving attitude and awkward silences.
Get Bob to join the Youth Group -- sure, he's a little nerdy and is a dead ringer for Ronald Reagan but he'll fit right in.
Hold the best Blessing of the Animals EVER -- bring it on, St. Francis!