Some might say "Shouldn't a priest focus on more positive things rather than dwelling on the negative?" To which I would respond, "If it weren't for the goodness of God's creation, coupled with the brokenness of humanity, I'd never have anything to say." Wrap your minds around THAT impressive display of theology!
Anyway, in no particular order, here are 20 things that annoy me:
1. Folding fitted sheets
2. The Revised Common Lectionary
3. Post-Cold War Olympics
4. Stems on blueberries
5. The humorless
6. Most blogs
7. Cleaning up ferret poop
8. Prying kids off the XBox
9. Flavored coffee
10. Sloppy liturgy
11. Scott Gunn
12. Brown bananas
13. Shopping malls
14. People that hang out in shopping malls
15. The New York Yankees
16. The Housewives of New Jersey, Orange County, etc.
17. People who wish me Merry Christmas during Advent
18. Yappy dogs
19. Flies in the bedroom
20. My third grade teacher
Believe me, I could go on. But with heroic restraint I have limited myself to 20. Be careful -- this might become a regular feature here!
That is certainly an impressive list of First World Problems, and I find myself in agreement with most of them (especially #11 and #15). On the other hand, I don't see how anyone could find Mrs. McKey annoying, although I realize you may have had a different third grade teacher than I did. And shouldn't #17 include people who look at you funny when you wish them Merry Christmas on January 5th?
If you hare ever looking to expand the list, might I suggest the following:
21. People who state the obvious as if it were a deep truth about the universe (Yes, children are our future. Duh!).
22. "Coexist" bumper stickers.
24. People who refer to sprinkles as Jimmies.
25. The magic pixies who stubbornly refuse to come in at night to clean my apartment.
26. The inability of northerners to make a decent sweet tea.
28. Artificial turf in baseball.
29. Sparkly vampires
30. People who think North Dakota is a real place.
Nicely done, Kevin. The world is just amazingly full of annoyance fodder.
If you wash your sheets, dry them and immediately put them back on the bed, you will NEVER have to fold fitted sheets.
. . . or sleep in a hammock and never have to wash or fold sheets -- in fact, never have to own sheets!
I might add...
31. People who refer to Jimmies and Sprinkles.
32. Shouting "You Da Man!..."
32. Tree Sap on my car.
33. people in kayals who refuse to weare Life Jackets.
34. car parked on the line taking up two spaces.
35. soft serve ice cream.
Dave, #35 used to be called "ice milk" when it first came out in the 1950s.
36. Non-dairy creamer.
37. Acolytes in flip-flops.
38. Dresses without pockets.
39. Clamshell packaging.
40. Anything with vampires, zombies or werewolves, either in print or on film.
You see? This is all coming together! I wonder if catharsis.com is taken?
41. Poor, sloppy, or incorrect grammar. I'd give specifics, but the list would be too long to include here!
People who leave shopping carts smack in the middle of a parking space instead of walking another 10 (or 20) feet to put them in the return slot. Actually, this one goes beyond an annoyance with me--I am thinking of becoming the little old lady shopping cart vigilante after I retire.
Incorrect grammar, as in "People that...." instead of "People who...." (see #14). And those who share a Facebook post with allusions to something being seriously wrong with them (or someone else) and won't say what. If it's that private, leave it off FB altogether.
Closely related to one of yours, I hate when preachers use Olympic sports analogies in their sermons. I absolutely hate it.
Brown bananas, ferret poop (...It's theoretically possible to house train a ferret, but we weren't successful), the New York Yankees (it's like rooting for General Motors) and yappy dogs would all make my list too. I would add: misusing it's vs its, and "would of" (in a professional email that went to multiple recipients..come on!), chain emails, chain FB updates. I can't really think of anything that annoys me about church. I guess that's a good thing :)
Iced coffee and then when I complain and say I don't understand why anyone would mess up real coffee by putting ice in it, I get: "Well, how in the world can you drink hot, freshly brewed coffee when it's 100 degrees outside?" Well, duh! Tea can be drunk hot or cold...and Northerners can so make sweet tea, they're just perverse and trying to p--..oh! excuse me! ... Tick off Southerners. (go back to "Duh" and continue).How else is one to drink coffee except HOT????? Sr. Mary W. must be a real hardy soul...a hammock? Love your list...Mine would not pass a censor......nor the Bishop.
Acolytes in flip flops?? What? Didn't the HoD just vote to ban that?
No, convention said that while the canons are against flip-flops, it recognizes that there are places that exercise a pastoral sensitivity towards them...
Fuff! I shall rebel against this annoying business. Lay people are not annoyed. We are delighted! https://www.facebook.com/notes/heidi-shott/25-things-that-delight-me/457690470533 (This is a public link.)
Facebook Necrologists. You know - the folks who as soon as a celebrity dies, quickly post "R.I.P _______"
OK, I must ask, what's wrong with the RCL?
Derek Olsen, that is too funny.
Post a Comment