It seems most appropriate on this Black Friday, to share some thoughts from the (still bloated) underbelly of Thanksgiving. Over on Twitter yesterday several rather snarky clerics created a Litany of #Snarksgiving throughout the day. It was an enjoyable and humorous exercise in between courses and conversations and quarters (the football variety, not the drinking game).
I felt compelled to compile these intercessions in case the Liturgical Standing Committee of the Episcopal Church ever authorizes a shadow Book of Common Prayer. I'll share the names of the participants but, for fear of reprisals, I won't attribute them. Of course, if you're on Twitter you can go back and figure it out but I'm betting no one has the energy or will to actually do that.
Besides me, contributors included the Rev.'s Laurie Brock, Scott Gunn, Anne Lane Witt, and the ever-mysterious ChurchSnobTEC. If you're on the Twitters, I suggest following these folks -- never a dull moment when they get going. But without further ado here it is:
Litany of #Snarksgiving
For people who say, "Get up! Let's go DO SOMETHING instead of nap!" We give snarks.
For family members who don't like football and consider it rude to put the TV on, we give snarks.
For distant relatives who call and have the phone passed all around, we give snarks.
For in-laws who can't travel without small, yappy dogs, we give snarks.
For a mother-in-law who'd hadn't yet put the turkey in when we arrived (!), we give snarks.
For having to make culinary compromises for vegans, we give snarks.
For those who consider pigs in a blanket an appropriate appetizer, we give snarks.
For being overstimulated & undermedicated, we give snarks.
For those posting pictures of food on Facebook, we give snarks.
For inane discussions about the moose lodge, we give snarks.
For family members who think alcohol is "of the devil," we give snarks. (And drink. Wine.)
For Reunite as the "good" wine, we give snarks.
For people who think Thanksgiving is the right day to bust out Christmas music, we give snarks.
For family that buys champagne but doesn't put it on ice, we give snarks.
For those who insist holiday cocktail hour doesn't begin until happy hour, we give snarks.
For the children's table at ages 35+, we give snarks.
For less sleep than we get during the work week, we give snarks.
For guests who don't leave after the pie, we give snarks.
For being put in a twin bed like we're 12, we give snarks.
For relatives that didn't buy Bloody Mary mix, we give snarks.
For traditional family dishes that no one likes, we give snarks.
For family that awake us from naps and then won't go away, we give snarks.
Well, there we go. We hope you enjoyed this litany and encourage you to use it in place of grace at next year's Thanksgiving feast.
These seem very mild in comparison to those I hear in the Heart of Dixie..of course, the Rebels theme is still "Fergit, hell !" How about this frequent one, from deadly earnest parishioners, that tops all y'alls: "Well, how y'all doin'...I bet you don't remember me, do you?"'
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