As you've probably heard, the "next big thing" to hit the market and change your life will be Google Glass. While still in the experimental phase, Google Glass is basically a wearable computer in the form of futuristic-looking eyewear. The idea is hands-free computing, allowing the user to use voice commands to surf the web, take pictures and video, get directions, and send messages.
It used to be that you could separate the sane from the insane by whether they talked to themselves while walking down the street. That theory was tossed aside with Blue Tooth and will be buried further with Google Glass.
I'm not an early adopter with technology so you won't see me sporting these fancy specs anytime soon. But I was thinking about how this technology could assist me in my vocational life. If Google could come up with a Clergy Edition, I might just reconsider. Here's what I'd need and how I'd use it:
1. Face recognition software that would allow me to identify parishioners by name while greeting them after the service (especially the C & E crowd!).
2. The ability to scroll the sermon text so my brilliant thoughts would appear "off the cuff."
3. X-Ray vision so I could see how much Reserved Sacrament we have without having to open the aumbry door.
4. A program that would allow me to engage in what Helen Prejean calls "Biblical quarterbacking" so I could cite relevant chapter and verse the next time I get into a debate with a Baptist.
5. Take POV (point of view) video as I celebrate the Eucharist allowing everyone to experience what it's really like to be a priest at the altar.
6. Surf the internet during boring diocesan meetings while seemingly paying rapt attention.
7. Read the latest Grisham novel during the curate's sermon.
8. Scroll through my Twitter feed during pastoral visits.
9. Google newcomers in real time so I seem omniscient when I ask about their hobby of bee keeping.
10. Change the Scripture passage to read: "Why do you see the speck in your neighbour’s eye, but do not notice the Google Glass in your own eye?" (Matt 7:3)