Fortunately for everyone concerned, I have crawled out of my post-Easter fetal position and have once again been inspired by my muse: coffee.
If you're familiar with the Episcopal Church's Hymnal 1982, you know how to find your favorite hymn when all you can remember is the first few words. You flip to the back, to the invaluable "Index of First Lines."
With Easter on my mind since, you know, it lasts for 50 Days of Fabulous, I thought I'd take a look. Hence, here is the...
Index of First Lines: Easter Snark Edition
1. "Now the green blade riseth" -- Yeah, it's spring. Get a lawnmower.
2. "Come, ye faithful, raise the strain" -- After a long winter, it's time to return to the gym. And strain a bicep.
3. "This joyful Eastertide" -- Low tide always smells less like Easter lilies and more like rotting fish.
4. "Christ Jesus lay in death's strong bands" -- Are you sure this is actually an Easter hymn?
5. "He is risen, he is risen" -- Insert middle school Viagra joke.
6. "The strife is o'er, the battle done" -- The strife may be o'er, but this hymn goes on forever.
7. "We walk by faith and not by sight" -- Especially at the beginning of the Easter Vigil when we stumble around in the dark with fire.
8. "Welcome, Happy Morning, age to age shall say" -- Actually nobody has ever said this. In any age.
9. "Christ is alive! Let Christians sing" -- Um, we already are singing. It's an Easter hymn.
10. "Jesus Christ is risen today" -- Thank you, Captain Obvious.