Dec 14, 2015

Christmas Pageant -- Casting Call

This time of year, many church folks are engaged in pulling together Christmas Pageants. And by "pulling together" I mean working hard to organize all the details and then hoping for the best. 

It's not a true pageant unless there's at least one fallen angel (no, literally, an angel who trips and falls) and several wardrobe malfunctions (wings falling off, shepherds beating one another with their crooks, etc).

One of the keys to putting the pageant together is the casting. This typically falls to the long-suffering but greatly appreciated pageant director. Why? Because most clergy are smart enough to delegate this task ie. they're too scared to tell the budding stage mothers in their congregation that their little angel will not, in fact, be an angel but a donkey.

With all this Pageantpalooza action in the air, I've given some thought to how I would cast the pageant if money and, in some cases the line between the living and the dead, were no object. You may well have other thoughts which I'd appreciate hearing about but here's my dream casting lineup for 2015:

MARY: Madonna (duh)

JOSEPH: Obi Wan Kenobi (he's already in costume plus everyone's thinking about Star Wars anyway) 

BABY JESUS: Donald Trump (no one has a greater Messiah complex than this guy) 

THE THREE KINGS: Don King, Elvis and King Kong 

SHEPHERDS: Presiding Bishop Michael Curry (chief shepherd) along with any other bishops you can round up (sure, they may be overdressed for the occasion and refuse to trade their miter for a dishtowel but since they always have their crooks with them it saves stealing canes from old people) 

SHEEP: Storm Troopers (the coloring's right and, again, so is the timing) 

THE ANGEL GABRIEL: Frankie Avalon (as Teen Angel in Grease) 

ANGELS: Hell's Angels (just to mix things up) 

CAMEL: Joe Camel (smooth) 

Inn Keeper: Leona Helmsley (hotel magnate and Queen of Mean)

So there you have it. If I pull this one off, I'll probably be made Christmas Pageant Director for life...

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